She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
