If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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