I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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