Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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