good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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