i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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