Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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