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• (303): View more from Colorado

  oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.

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• (646): View more from New York

  He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey how're your balls?

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  Don't ever let me helicopter again.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.

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