me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
