Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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