Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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