dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
