my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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