She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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