Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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