the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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