So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
