I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
