i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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