Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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