Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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