So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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