Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize