Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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