The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
