One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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