I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
