You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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