i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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