The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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