Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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