My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
