I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
