Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
