dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
