a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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