She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
