I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
