I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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