you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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