yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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