The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
