Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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