I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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