I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
