If i come over, it means nothing
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
