Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to make a zoo with you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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