Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
