What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
