he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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