so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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