she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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