i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
