the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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