Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
