Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
