Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
