The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
