I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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