He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
