my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
