I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
