everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
