I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
