i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize