I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
