I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
