hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
