My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
