We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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