Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
