Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
