So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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